my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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