im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
