oh god the rape fog is back!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
