Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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