This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
