operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
