She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
