Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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