If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
