I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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