I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
