i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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