there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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