it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
