hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
