Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
one might say we're banned from that church
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
