before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
