I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
