I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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