There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
