i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
foreskin is a definite game changer
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
