My sheets look like a crime scene.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
