So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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