dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
