Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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