Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
