well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
