this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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