I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
