thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
