just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
