U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
50% drunk capacity currently
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
