On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
my shit smells like andre
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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