She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Randomize
