im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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