From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
