Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
