I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
