first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
