i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
