i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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