U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
