R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
