1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
