dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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