I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
