its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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