My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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