True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
