Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
