it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
